Cornelius in Waffle Town
by Harvest Loon
Summary: This is a whacky story written with help from my best friend Katie. It's about a character we randomnly made up one day called Cornelius and as we both LOVE harvest moon, we thought it would be fun to send him to Waffle Town. Enjoy, R&R pleeeease.
1. Corndog meets Samson and Phoebe

Cornelius in Waffle Town

Chapter 1- Corndog meets Samson and Phoebe

**Hey everybody. This is just a short random story about a mobility inspector called Cornelius that my friend Katie and I made up. As we are both IN LOVE with Harvest Moon we decided it would be funny to send him there XD. It may be quite hard for you to understand but let's just go with it. Enjoy.**

One sunny day, shortly after a nuclear bomb had blown up in Waffle Town, a large ship pulled up in the dock and off stepped Cornelius Gulliver Smitten Sink the mobility/safety hazard inspector.

He wore a rather prim maroon suit to match his extremely dark brown, almost black hair, and had gelled his moustache so that it curled at each end.

As he began to walk along the empty streets of the small town he bumped into Mayor Hamilton who was rushing around in quite a fluster.

'Oh excuse me sir,' Cornelius said to the rather tubby little man 'Would you mind telling me where I could find the mayor of this town?'

The Mayor stared up at the rather gangly, tall, intimidating man and gulped.

'You're talking to him. How may I help you?'

Cornelius straightened his tie and crouched down slightly to the mayor's level.

'I'm here to inspect the damage left by the bomb.' He said

Hamilton's face lit up.

'Ah yes. We've been expecting you Mister….'

'Sink,' Cornelius finished 'Cornelius Gulliver Smitten Sink, but you can call me Corndog.'

Hamilton frowned.

'O-kay well most of the damage is actually on Toucan Island not far from here…you can take my speedy speed boat if you'd like?'

Cornelius perused the thought in his head for several moments before deciding that a trip in a nifty speed boat would really brighten up his day.

'Yeah, why not!' He said.

Hamilton smiled and led him over to a small, pristine white boat tied up on the other side of the ferry.

'Here's the keys.' He said dropping 2 small silver pieces of metal into Cornelius' hands 'Take care of my baby.'

Cornelius rolled his eyes.

'Of course my fine fellow.' He said jumping in and starting up the engine.

There was only one island in the inspectors view so he took it to be Toucan Island.

He jumped off the boat onto the sand and being Cornelius forgot to tie it up. As he began to look around hundreds of piranha fish devoured it.

The door of a nearby Inn opened and a rather tanned, large man with fuzzy reddish hair appeared.

'Hey! Who goes there?' Samson shouted.

Cornelius began to quiver with fear.

'I…I'm just inspecting….you know…the damage…' He stuttered.

Samson's expression enlightened as he approached the nervous mess Cornelius had become.

Cornelius feared for his life as the burly man got nearer and quickly pulled a hazard sticker out of his pocket and stuck it to Samson's forehead.

'What the…?' Samson said peeling the yellow sign off his brow.

Cornelius began to scream and run frantically in circles causing a sand cloud to arise.

'Freak!' Samson said picking up a coconut and throwing it at the bizarre man.

Cornelius stopped and rubbed his head.

'Hey, that was kind of sore.' He said.

Samson continued to throw coconuts at him and shout abuse. Selena then appeared out of the Inn.

'Dad! What are you doing?' She yelled running over to him and trying to hold him back.

Cornelius couldn't help but stare at the alluring belly dancer and unfortunately she noticed.

'Ugh, you perve!' She said running back into the Inn.

The mysterious panda then came along and arrested Samson for miss use of coconuts, but as he was being dragged away he threw one last one which banged of Cornelius' head and concussed him.

Then, as if by the magic of the Harvest Goddess, Jin appeared out of nowhere and took the dazed inspector back to the clinic.

As Cornelius lay asleep Jin poked his eyeballs…?

When he awoke he had a minor heart attack at the sight of Jin. Irene then brought him round…again.

Cornelius began to scream and frantically stuck hazard stickers all over Jin's face and then ran out of the clinic like a mad man.

As he sped down the streets he bumped into Gill who was mumbling away to himself about harvest sprites.

'Hey! Who the hell are you and why are you screaming?'

Cornelius began to scream even louder and then proceeded to stick hazard stickers all over Gill too.

Cornelius ran on past Gill towards Ganache Mine District where he finally calmed down.

Gill stormed along the streets in a rage yelling,

'That creep deflated my cow's lick with his screaming!'

In the distance Cornelius spied a young woman with emerald coloured hair, moulded perfectly into a bee hive like shape wearing an excavator's uniform.

He ran to catch up with the woman and stuck a hazard sticker on her back.

Phoebe jumped and turned to him repositioning her glasses and leaning over to get a good look at him.

'Who or what are you?' She said wrinkling up her nose.

'Cornelius Gulliver Smitten Sink!' He declared proudly 'But you can call me Corndog!' He winked at her.

The inspector gawked at Phoebe with his mouth gaping open.

Phoebe cleared her throat awkwardly.

'Well…shut your mouth you'll catch flies!' She snapped glancing around to make sure nobody was watching.

She then peeled the sticker of her back and held it up closer to her face to read it.

'And why did you stick this to me?' She said confusedly.

Cornelius sleeked back his hair and tried to be cool.

'Because you're a fire hazard baby!'

Phoebe put her hand over her mouth to stop herself throwing up.

'Hey are you from Jamaica? Cause you're Jamaican me crazy!'

'Oh…Please stop with the cheesy lines! You're just embarrassing yourself! And no I'm not Jamaican!'

She folded her arms and turned away from him.

'Oh…well are you sure you're not even…a teeny bit Jamaican?' He said running his finger along her shoulder blade.

She turned sharply and slapped him away.

'NO! Now piss off before my boyfriend Calvin comes and beats the shit out of you, punk!' Cornelius was taken back at her harsh words and turned around walking straight into what seemed to be a brick wall.

'WHAT are you doing harassing my girlfriend?' A deep voice said.

Cornelius turned back into his shivering bundle of nerves.

'N-n-n-n-nothing s-sir.' He stuttered holding his hand out slightly to shake Calvin's hand.

'Oh no…' Calvin said clenching his fist and punching Cornelius straight in the eye. Calvin put his arm around Phoebe and walked on leaving Cornelius to squirm and cry on the ground.

**Well…that's the end of chapter 1. It was…strange but everybody's allowed to have 1 weird story…right? Well anyway I'm sure Katie would appreciate it if you reviewed and I'm sure it would make Cornelius feel a lot better,**

**Me: Right Cornelius?**

***Cornelius sit's in the corner with an ice pack on his head and an eye patch on***

**Cornelius: Why did you have to send me to that awful town? I was having a great time living at my old house in Katie and your minds. It was a lot nicer there!**

**Me: You'll get over it. Plus you get to meet Luke next! Yay!**

**Cornelius: Oh joy of joys! Another dude that'll probably physically abuse me in some way.**

**Me: Okay Cornelius that's enough now.**

**Thanks again guys. More to come soon :)**


	2. Cornelius meets Luke and Luna

Cornelius in Waffle Town

Chapter 2- Cornelius Meets Luke and Luna

**Hey again, we're having fun writing this, so hence the quick updates! Thank you Tiffany59 for being Cornelius's first reviewer. It means a lot. Okay well here we go for chapter 2. Bring on the pain.**

**Cornelius: Why me lord?**

**Me: *Kicks his butt and sends him flying back in again***

After being kicked back into Waffle Town Cornelius landed in front of the carpenter's store.

He hauled himself up off the ground and dusted himself off. He fixed his moustache and sleeked his hair back into its usual slimy, frankly disgusting state.

**Cornelius: Hey!**

**Me: I am just Sayin'**

Cornelius began to walk towards the large log cabin and heaved open the heavy door. As he entered Dale looked up from his paper work and snorted.

'Haven't seen you round these parts before! What's your name son?' He said.

The sight of the large burly man, who I must say does look quite intimidating, Cornelius became a quivering bundle of nerves as per usual.

'C-C-Cornelius…but you can call me Corndog!'

The Carpenter's large eyebrows knitted together as he tried to figure out this incredibly twisted man.

**Cornelius: Again…Hey!**

**Me: Hey…I helped create you and if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be here right now so put a sock in it and get on with your comedy you big nerd!**

'Well umm…Corndog, it's nice to meet ya. I'm Dale!'

'P-p-pleased to meet you…sir.'

At that moment the door flew open and in came Luke swinging an axe around his head.

Cornelius began to scream and fell to the floor, curling up into a tight ball.

Luke froze and glared down at the inspector confusedly.

'Jeeze dude, what the hell is your problem?' He said. Cornelius gingerly opened one eye and sat up slightly.

'Can you please just p-put the axe d-down! It's SUCH a safety hazard!'

Luke glanced at his axe and nodded.

'Sure!' He said 'If ya say so!'

Just as Cornelius stood up Luke dropped the axe on Corndog's toe.

Cornelius began screeching again and hopping around on one foot.

'Ooo, sorry dude let me help you.' Luke said approaching Corndog.

'NO!' He screamed 'Just stay away from me!' As he hopped he pulled a hazard sticker out of his pocket and stuck it to Luke's forehead.

Luke peeled it off and read it, there was then a long pause.

'Awesome!' Luke said grinning and nodding.

'Wow!' Cornelius said 'Your fashion sense is…quite something! Do you think I would suit a bandanna like that? Would it make me look…hottt?'

Luke raised an eyebrow.

'Ehh…sure. You should totally get one.'

Cornelius grinned.

'And those boots…and those gloves…and those incredibly tight jeans!'

'Hey dude, lay off! You're kinda freaking me out!'

'Where did you get them?' Cornelius said almost jumping on Luke.

'Eh…Shelly's tailor shop in town…here you should go,' Luke opened a drawer on a large dresser across from where they stood and pulled out a map. 'There ya go. Have a nice day.' Luke picked up his axe and retreated back to the woods.

Cornelius began to limp towards town. As he walked past Maple Lake a raccoon jumped out of the hedge and bit off his ear.

Cornelius began to scream and stuck hazard stickers all over the racoon and then carried on limp running towards the tailors with his ear tightly in his grasp. On his way he stopped of at the clinic.

He ran up to Irene at the desk and began to cry.

'Please…oh please sew my ear back on!' He pleaded.

Irene looked at him strangely.

'What was it this time Cornelius?' She said in her droning voice.

'This wild racoon savagely abused me!'

Irene shook her head and began to mutter to herself.

'Whatever next!' She said leading him into the emergency room where she carefully stitched his ear back together.

On his way out he made sure to quickly stick a hazard sticker on Irene.

He then carried on to the tailors.

As he entered a small, elderly lady appeared out from behind a rack of clothes.

'Oh, hello there dear. I'm Shelly how may I help you?'

Cornelius wasn't threatened by the woman, in fact for once on his visit he felt almost safe.

'I'm looking for a flaming bandanna, you know like the guy's from the carpentry shop.

Shelly nodded.

'Ah yes, we stock them just for Luke so I'm sure he wouldn't mind me selling you one. Here you are dear.' She said lifting one out from under the counter and handing it to him.

He bowed graciously.

'I would also like a pair of thigh high boots, a pair of fingerless leather gloves and a pair of super tight jeans please.'

Shelly rolled her eyes and disappeared off into the store. She returned after several minutes with his order.

Cornelius jumped for joy and put them all on. He began admiring himself in the mirror.

'Oh yes I look…how do they say it? Bad ass!'

Shelly just laughed.

'Say, do these boots make my legs look fat?' He said.

'No...' She said looking confused.

'So…do they make me look manly then?'

Shelly giggled.

'I guess so.'

'So you like my nice manly legs then!'

'Erm…stop flirting with me please.' Shelly said beginning to blush.

'Well…do you like my gloves then?' He said moving his fingers about admiring them.

'They're lovely but are you sure you wouldn't rather have a nice pair of long leather ones?'

'I'm not in the woman's institute!' Corndog scoffed. 'And what about the bandanna?'

'Are you sure you wouldn't like bunnies instead of flames?' Shelly said trying to contain laughter.

Cornelius fell to the floor writhing around and crying.

'I don't like bunnies!' He wailed 'They remind of those EVIL raccoons that severed my ear from my head!'

Then Luna suddenly appeared out of the kitchen.

'Hey…who's the dude that fancies himself as a bit of a Luke then?' She said sniggering.

'Luna! Excuse my grand daughter, she can be quite outspoken sometimes.'

Luna just rolled her eyes and carried on teasing. Cornelius caught a glimpse of Luna out of the corner of his eye and turned to her.

'Hey…you're pretty small! Does Santa know you're here?'

The seamstress began to fumigate, her face turning beat red.

'WHAT did you just say to me?' She snapped planting her hands firmly on her hips.

'Oh, does your big hair affect your hearing? I said you are small!' Cornelius felt rather pleased with his sudden confidence.

'That's no way to speak to me you big douche!'

Corndog gasped and took a step back.

'I am not a douche!' He said feeling himself begin to quiver.

'Are too, you big Douche!'

Cornelius began to jump up and down and whinge like a child.

'Stop calling me that shortstop!' He said. He then stuck safety hazard stickers all over Luna.

'Argh, that's it!' She screamed grabbing a box of needles.

Cornelius began to scream and run around the shop whilst Luna chased after him throwing the needles at him like darts which stuck in his back like a porcupine.

Cornelius then ran out of the shop and up the street to the clinic. He burst through the door screaming.

'The devil lives in the tailor shop!'

Perry was walking around making a scary grinding noise with a bowl making medicine which made Cornelius very nervous causing him to start screaming again. He stuck hazard stickers all over Perry and ran out again.

As he ran back towards the carpenters he saw the panda police arresting the raccoon.

'Okay, you're coming with me buster!' The panda said throwing the animal into a cage and marching off.

When Cornelius finally reached the carpenters he saw a young boy around the age of 17 with blonde hair and freckles fighting with an out of control fish.

Cornelius tried to help him but ended up being slapped across the face by it. Cornelius then stuck stickers all over the fish and ran to a corner behind the carpenters where he broke down in tears.

**Thanks for reading.**

**Me: Now was that so bad Corndog?**

**Cornelius: *Sits in corner picking needles out of his back* YES! Please don't ever send me back tot hat awful place! PLEASE SARAH! I BEG OF YOU!**

**Me: Oh come on Cornelius! All us fangirls would give up our right arms to go to Waffle town for a day! You're sooooo lucky!**

**Cornelius: *Raises and eyebrow* You don't know what it's like! Danger on every corner! SO many safety hazards!**

**Me: Well you're going back tomorrow to visit Toby so get over yourself.**

**Thanks again, more to come soon :)**


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